Housesitting is officially done; came home today to not a bit of welcome. And I wonder why I feel so shitty so easily… I just have to pull myself out of the situation and focus on what I need to be doing.

What is that anyway? I need to finish my Excel courses but realize I need to redo almost the entire program. Not that it will be a bad thing to increase my knowledge and get the processes deeper into my brain. But I’m so easily distracted, I worry I won’t be able to get it. Perhaps that can be my focus when I return from my upcoming trip…

The fourth is in two days. I’ve been invited to one home for a cookout, which is nice and of course I will be taking them up on, but why do I feel so … ugh? I’m just lonely. I wan to have someone to share this stuff with but I know I’m way too much of a mess to make it worth the time or effort. It’s been a very weird year so far and though it’s had some bad part, its the best I’ve felt in a while because I’m doing things for ME. To make me better. I’m just concerned that I’m overall too boring to be of any interest.

Easy solution, just do more stuff. Much, much easier said than done. I can’t imagine trying to meet new people now unless I was meeting them for a specific reason. That maybe why Meetup is a good idea… I’ll at least have one topic we agree on if I’m meeting people to discuss or share in the love of a specific topic… The party at S yesterday only highlighted how awkward I still am around new people. Especially when I’m an interloper in a tight group, like S and her friends. But I didn’t feel judged or upset at all, just more of E’s ignoring me bullshit. That did help lower my comfort level a bit.

All the more reasons to make friends outside of work…


Author: milesdyson3991

I speak I breath

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